This came from a funny turn of events, I had broken up with a girlfriend but more from circumstance than any real problems with each other. She moved to Portland and about 9 months later I was thinking I would go visit her. I thought of a good convenient date when it would be good to go to Portland and when I mentioned it to her she said that her favorite band “X” was coming to town on that day. John Doe is the lead singer of “X”. I didn’t go, actually haven’t seen her since.
John Doe
Now I know where I rank
Just a step below John Doe
And who do I have to thank
For being ranked so fucking low?
I have no one to thank but myself
I set it up and took the fall
I can’t put my feelings on the shelf
Deal with the emotions, that’s all
Why do I get so sensitive?
Why does it hurt like a knife?
Why am I always defensive?
Why can’t I get on with my life?
I put myself out there in a vulnerable place
To share with the one that I love
And then I take it, like a slap in the face
Like a suicide counselor that shoves
But now I know where I rank
Just a step below John Doe
It feels like a cosmic prank
To put me in a state of woe
The perpetrator doesn’t even know it hurt
She has no sense for my feelings
She’s living in a bubble of her own design
So I must devise my own healings
I shouldn’t count on her anymore
If I do, in the least, I’m hurt
It no longer is, what it was before
Before, I was King, now I’m dirt
Why do I delve in this Emotional Pit?
Riding this downward spiral
Why do I cry and write this Shit?
I’m diseased, I think it’s Viral
But at least I know where I rank
Just a step below John Doe
My heart, to my feet it sank
But at least I finally know
When you’ve reached the bottom there’s no way but up
And I’m ready for the flight
Not half full, or half empty, it’s a dried up cup
But it is still full of light
So I’ll take my soul
And I’ll flush the crap
And I will feel whole
I will fill the gap
I will fill my life from the inside out
I will drink from the cup of Love divine
I will not whine and moan and pout
Omnipresent Love will shine
I really do not rank
A step below John Doe
From the cup of Love I’ve drank
Tasted the sacred flow
And now my heart is filled to the brim
Filled with a light and Love
My soul it shines bright and can’t be made dim
I am filled with a Love from above
And this Love cannot be taken away
This Love is mine eternal
This Love doesn’t bend or falter or sway
It’s a pure Love that’s almost Maternal
And this Love will see me through to the end
Through anxiety, and sadness, and panic
Either this Love is the perfect mend
Or else I’m a depressed Manic